vacationing

Vacationing With Little Kids Is Not Relaxing, I Don’t Care What You Say

This past week my family of four went on a small “vacation”. Yes, I put vacation in quotations, because leaving your home for an extended period of time with a three and five-year-old is not really a vacation. Oddly, the smoothest part of our trip was the five-hour car ride. Maybe it’s because I packed […]

I’m No June Cleaver

Wearing a greasy ponytail, and over-sized sweatpants, I sat at our dining room table, engaged in a staring contest with a blueberry muffin. These culinary stare-downs had become a hobby of mine as I convinced myself to eat something I would inevitably throw up. It was a Saturday morning, and I was seven months pregnant. […]

poop

My Son’s Preschool Teacher Gave Me A Bag Of Crap

I’m a little over five years into my time as a mother, and yesterday I experienced another first—I unknowingly carried around a turd in a plastic bag. That’s right, a ball of shit in a plastic sack—I carried it around like a kitten in a basket. You may be asking yourself how something so absurd […]

husband

Dear Husband, I Love You, But You’re Kind Of A Slob

Dear Husband, I love you. I do, really, even though you’re currently making me crazy, I know you’re a good guy, that’s why I married you. So, I’m staring at a pile of your dirty laundry, on the floor, two feet from the laundry basket, and I’m not gonna lie, it’s making me a little stabby. […]

Nap

Don’t Feed Them After Midnight Or Let Them Take Evening Naps

Something horrible happened yesterday. My 3-year-old refused to take his afternoon nap, and then fell asleep at 5 p.m. I know what you’re thinking, “That doesn’t sound that horrible, lady, get a grip.” But, let me assure you, it was the seventh circle of threenage hell. If you’ve ever experienced an event of this nature and […]

working mom

12 Ways Working Moms Are Exactly Like Stay-At-Home Moms

The comparison of working mothers to non-working mothers is just one of many nonsensical parenting comparisons plaguing our society. These unfounded judgements on either side, are making a tough job even tougher, by inviting doubt into the hearts and minds of good parents. Working mothers are often cast as being un-invested in motherhood. They are […]

Sanctimommies

The Sanctimommies’ Guide to Raising Respectful Children

I was in the grocery store yesterday, picking up some organic produce, and I witnessed something absolutely horrific. The mother in front of me in the checkout line had a small child, maybe two or three years old, and the child was having the worst tantrum I have ever seen. I watched in horror as the […]

dear toddler

Dear Toddler, I Love You, But You Need To Chill

Hello My Little Sweet Potato, We need to talk. I know you’re going through some very important developmental milestones, but I have some concerns about your behavior, that I feel we should address. Last night you whipped your diaper off with such force that a nugget of poo flew across the room and struck me in the […]

bragging

5 Rules For Bragging About Your Kid

“OUR BABY IS A GENIUS!” I shouted as I bursted into the kitchen holding our daughter’s preschool worksheet. “What are you talking about?” My husband replied, startled and confused by my shouting. “Look!” I shoved the paper into his hands. “She wrote that!” Scrawled across the top of the page in a large, uncoordinated font, […]

mom-friend

I Don’t Want To Be Your Mom-Friend

Hi Regina, I’m writing in response to the ten emails about Ladies Night at TGIFriday’s. Sorry I didn’t respond the first nine times, there was a swarm of angry bees and I couldn’t get a good WiFi signal. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to make it to TGIFriday’s this week, or your Let’s Get Lit candle party next […]