I’m Sorry My Dog Peed On Your Toothbrush

I’ve never been one to hit the mark on my first try. For most of my life, my first attempt at new things has fallen somewhere between mediocre and outright disaster. Admittedly, I’m a bit of a mess, but I’ve found comfort in this role over the years. I no longer walk into new experiences […]

vacationing

Vacationing With Little Kids Is Not Relaxing, I Don’t Care What You Say

This past week my family of four went on a small “vacation”. Yes, I put vacation in quotations, because leaving your home for an extended period of time with a three and five-year-old is not really a vacation. Oddly, the smoothest part of our trip was the five-hour car ride. Maybe it’s because I packed […]

I’m No June Cleaver

Wearing a greasy ponytail, and over-sized sweatpants, I sat at our dining room table, engaged in a staring contest with a blueberry muffin. These culinary stare-downs had become a hobby of mine as I convinced myself to eat something I would inevitably throw up. It was a Saturday morning, and I was seven months pregnant. […]

poop

My Son’s Preschool Teacher Gave Me A Bag Of Crap

I’m a little over five years into my time as a mother, and yesterday I experienced another first—I unknowingly carried around a turd in a plastic bag. That’s right, a ball of shit in a plastic sack—I carried it around like a kitten in a basket. You may be asking yourself how something so absurd […]

husband

Dear Husband, I Love You, But You’re Kind Of A Slob

Dear Husband, I love you. I do, really, even though you’re currently making me crazy, I know you’re a good guy, that’s why I married you. So, I’m staring at a pile of your dirty laundry, on the floor, two feet from the laundry basket, and I’m not gonna lie, it’s making me a little stabby. […]

Nap

Don’t Feed Them After Midnight Or Let Them Take Evening Naps

Something horrible happened yesterday. My 3-year-old refused to take his afternoon nap, and then fell asleep at 5 p.m. I know what you’re thinking, “That doesn’t sound that horrible, lady, get a grip.” But, let me assure you, it was the seventh circle of threenage hell. If you’ve ever experienced an event of this nature and […]

working mom

12 Ways Working Moms Are Exactly Like Stay-At-Home Moms

The comparison of working mothers to non-working mothers is just one of many nonsensical parenting comparisons plaguing our society. These unfounded judgements on either side, are making a tough job even tougher, by inviting doubt into the hearts and minds of good parents. Working mothers are often cast as being un-invested in motherhood. They are […]

Sanctimommies

The Sanctimommies’ Guide to Raising Respectful Children

I was in the grocery store yesterday, picking up some organic produce, and I witnessed something absolutely horrific. The mother in front of me in the checkout line had a small child, maybe two or three years old, and the child was having the worst tantrum I have ever seen. I watched in horror as the […]

dear toddler

Dear Toddler, I Love You, But You Need To Chill

Hello My Little Sweet Potato, We need to talk. I know you’re going through some very important developmental milestones, but I have some concerns about your behavior, that I feel we should address. Last night you whipped your diaper off with such force that a nugget of poo flew across the room and struck me in the […]

bragging

5 Rules For Bragging About Your Kid

“OUR BABY IS A GENIUS!” I shouted as I bursted into the kitchen holding our daughter’s preschool worksheet. “What are you talking about?” My husband replied, startled and confused by my shouting. “Look!” I shoved the paper into his hands. “She wrote that!” Scrawled across the top of the page in a large, uncoordinated font, […]