Introvert Mother, Party Of One, Your Table Is Now Available

There was a time in my life I wouldn’t be caught dead dining alone in a restaurant. In fact, I didn’t like doing anything alone. I enjoyed the company of other people and would often call a girlfriend just to make a quick trip to Target. I was adventurous, carefree, and loved meeting new people. […]

Enjoy

What People Really Mean When They Say ‘Enjoy Every Moment’

The other day, I was in a restaurant with my family, when my three-year-old decided to act like a three-year-old. I’d like to blame fatigue, hunger or any other excuse you might be willing to buy, but the truth is, he was just being a ridiculous pain in the ass. To be fair, he has […]

vacationing

Vacationing With Little Kids Is Not Relaxing, I Don’t Care What You Say

This past week my family of four went on a small “vacation”. Yes, I put vacation in quotations, because leaving your home for an extended period of time with a three and five-year-old is not really a vacation. Oddly, the smoothest part of our trip was the five-hour car ride. Maybe it’s because I packed […]

I’m No June Cleaver

Wearing a greasy ponytail, and over-sized sweatpants, I sat at our dining room table, engaged in a staring contest with a blueberry muffin. These culinary stare-downs had become a hobby of mine as I convinced myself to eat something I would inevitably throw up. It was a Saturday morning, and I was seven months pregnant. […]

maternity

Inadequate Maternity Leave Is The Hardest Part of Early Motherhood

I remember the day I told my employer I was pregnant. I’d spent the morning rehearsing the conversation in my head. I was just entering my second trimester, but the bump beneath my shirt was growing much faster than it had with my first pregnancy, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to hide it […]

work

I Feel Guilty Missing Work When My Kid Is Sick

I’m a recovering perfectionist-control freak. I’d like to tell you my recovery is by choice, but the truth is, I was nudged into recovery by the demands of motherhood—and by nudged, I mean violently shoved. I had to make a choice between my need for perfection and my sanity, keeping both wasn’t an option with […]

poop

My Son’s Preschool Teacher Gave Me A Bag Of Crap

I’m a little over five years into my time as a mother, and yesterday I experienced another first—I unknowingly carried around a turd in a plastic bag. That’s right, a ball of shit in a plastic sack—I carried it around like a kitten in a basket. You may be asking yourself how something so absurd […]

husband

Dear Husband, I Love You, But You’re Kind Of A Slob

Dear Husband, I love you. I do, really, even though you’re currently making me crazy, I know you’re a good guy, that’s why I married you. So, I’m staring at a pile of your dirty laundry, on the floor, two feet from the laundry basket, and I’m not gonna lie, it’s making me a little stabby. […]

confidence

Motherhood Taught Me To Love My Body

I’ve been self-conscious about my body for most of my life, middle school was the peak of my insecurity. While the other girls were developing the soft curves of womanhood, my body was reminiscent of a seven-year-old boy—with boobs to match. My teenage years were filled with self-loathing and unhappiness. Looking back it’s both frustrating […]

Nap

Don’t Feed Them After Midnight Or Let Them Take Evening Naps

Something horrible happened yesterday. My 3-year-old refused to take his afternoon nap, and then fell asleep at 5 p.m. I know what you’re thinking, “That doesn’t sound that horrible, lady, get a grip.” But, let me assure you, it was the seventh circle of threenage hell. If you’ve ever experienced an event of this nature and […]