I’m Sorry My Dog Peed On Your Toothbrush

I’ve never been one to hit the mark on my first try. For most of my life, my first attempt at new things has fallen somewhere between mediocre and outright disaster. Admittedly, I’m a bit of a mess, but I’ve found comfort in this role over the years. I no longer walk into new experiences […]


Marriage Is Harder Than It Looks In The Movies

Marriage is hard. I’m sure there are those who will contest this claim, but for most of us it’s true. I used to imagine marriage would be like a romantic comedy. Basically, any rom-com starring Matthew McConaughey, that’s the delusion I hung my hat on. Maybe that’s not entirely inaccurate, the honeymoon phase is very […]


What People Really Mean When They Say ‘Enjoy Every Moment’

The other day, I was in a restaurant with my family, when my three-year-old decided to act like a three-year-old. I’d like to blame fatigue, hunger or any other excuse you might be willing to buy, but the truth is, he was just being a ridiculous pain in the ass. To be fair, he has […]


Vacationing With Little Kids Is Not Relaxing, I Don’t Care What You Say

This past week my family of four went on a small “vacation”. Yes, I put vacation in quotations, because leaving your home for an extended period of time with a three and five-year-old is not really a vacation. Oddly, the smoothest part of our trip was the five-hour car ride. Maybe it’s because I packed […]

I’m No June Cleaver

Wearing a greasy ponytail, and over-sized sweatpants, I sat at our dining room table, engaged in a staring contest with a blueberry muffin. These culinary stare-downs had become a hobby of mine as I convinced myself to eat something I would inevitably throw up. It was a Saturday morning, and I was seven months pregnant. […]


Why I Want To Hold On To The Toddler Years

“Mama, I want to snuggle you.” My toddler crawls into my lap. His head is hot from running and playing, and if I close my eyes and breathe deeply, I can almost smell the baby he was not so long ago. Moments like this leave my heart aching, knowing he will, one day, crawl down […]


5 Rules For Bragging About Your Kid

“OUR BABY IS A GENIUS!” I shouted as I bursted into the kitchen holding our daughter’s preschool worksheet. “What are you talking about?” My husband replied, startled and confused by my shouting. “Look!” I shoved the paper into his hands. “She wrote that!” Scrawled across the top of the page in a large, uncoordinated font, […]


I Don’t Know If My Family Is Complete

I’ve been thinking about having another baby. Before we go any further, please understand, I have no intention on swaying your womb in one direction or the other—this is about me. I’ve read articles and essays debating each side of this particular conundrum. Evidently, I’m not alone in my constant vacillation on the topic. The advice […]


Explaining Parenthood to a Non-Parent

The other night I used a sandwich bag as a makeshift glove to fish poop from the bathtub. As I did this, I caught a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror, and I almost laughed outloud. I looked ridiculous, ferrying fistfuls of crap from the bathtub to the toilet. If only there were a […]